Way back in 2017 when I first found out we were expecting (YAY!) I immediately had a MILLION questions. I'm not even exaggerating, ask my best friends. Questions all day errrrr day. "What kind of pack and play do I need? Wait, do I need a pack and play? Oh and while I have you, tell me your preferences between a four sided changing pad or just the standard contoured changing pad." You guys...I am an type A planner. Planning, researching, learning, trying my best to make a well informed decision, THAT is what helps ease my anxiety. If you're not type A, then you're already going, "whoa, slow your roll girlfriend." If you ARE type A, then you get me LOL!
With all these million questions and all the things I just "had" to research and know right away, I knew I needed to find some other sounding boards and resources. So I turned to social media and started browsing "mom groups." I joined a few larger groups that I had searched for based on topic alone, but instantly had some bad vibes. Some of the women in these groups were so catty and downright mean - example - they would attack others if they had a different opinion. These groups I'm talking about were massive, like well over 10k members each. So I quickly left those and stuck to the message boards on the two pregnancy apps I was using.
In those first few months I would scour the message boards and creep on all the topics and responses soaking in all the little tidbits like a sponge. There was so much I felt I wanted to learn about. Safe sleep practices, carseat safety, baby led weaning, breastfeeding, etc. I started to join various specific groups based on these topics and found wonderfully supportive groups full of knowledge on each intended topic. I loved learning from these groups, but they were intended just for that - learning. (Side note - if you're interested in a group on one of these topics, please reach out and I'll point you towards the ones I found helpful.)
In the midst of my first trimester during a late night message board creep sesh, I saw a post asking if any of the mommas wanted to join a Facebook group specifically for those of us with the same due date. A "due date group" if you will. I had never heard of that! Without hesitation I instantly replied and without knowing it sealed my fate. I was about to meet some of the most amazing women, some of my closest friends. Looking back now, it was all very serendipitous.
Did I know that going in? Heck no. I was just super pumped to find a group of other mommas, all pregnant, and all due around the same time. There we were in a message board of well over 100k mommas, and somehow, a small group of us (around 140) all made it into the same Facebook group. We were all super cordial at first, you know how first meets and introductions go LOL!
We were all planning our pregnancy announcements, sharing ideas, celebrating each and every ultrasound picture and excitedly sharing all the details of our latest doctor appointment. BUT as we grew deep into the "ish" of pregnancy our conversations soon started getting raw and real about some of those lovely details, and THAT is where the magic happened. We quickly formed a bond unlike any other. When we hit that lovely stage of pregnancy insomnia we'd stay up all hours of the night chatting with each other, talking about our hopes, our fears, or how much we silently wanted to punch our husbands who were laying next to us sleeping peacefully HAHA! Within just a few short months we'd celebrated the highest of highs together, and loved on and supported others as they experienced the lowest of lows. We spent weeks curating our nurseries together, reviewing and discussing countless baby products, helping each other choose names for these sweet babes we were about to meet, and literally everything else in between. Then the groups first baby was born (nearly 2 months early) and it suddenly all became so real. We started sharing all the beautiful (and messy) details of birth. First time mommas asked the veteran mommas in our group for their advice, their insight, their experiences as we prepared for our first birth experience. I had one of the very last due dates of the group, and anxiously watched as all my new friends met their babes. Then it was my turn.
March 22...induction date. It was go time. Ironically two other mommas were getting induced the same time, AND we were all in different time zones, but experiencing the same things at the same time. I chatted back and forth with my new friend from the East coast throughout my entire labor and delivery. We talked about medications, dosage, contractions, timing, waiting....oh the waiting (my poor friend had an experience that mirrored Rachel Green, watching other women come in and then get to go back to delivery before her)...and then pure bliss. There were four of us all together who had babes the same day, but over 100 of us who entered motherhood together.
We continue to talk multiple times per day, sharing our lives with each other. We've gone through PPD and PPA together, we kept each other company during late night nursing sessions or on nights when we ultimately had to pull all-nighters. We've cheered each other up when all we wanted to do was cry our friggin eyes out. We've helped mommas in our group who have faced death, illness, disease, and other challenges. I witnessed our little group raise well over two thousand dollars in less than 48 hours for a momma in a desperate time of need. I've experienced the heart ache of a friend who's baby had to have surgery and watched as our entire tribe rallied behind the babe. (This has repeated for other mommas and other situations with their babes.) We've helped each other figure out how to handle difficult family situations. Several mommas have had the opportunity to meet up with others from the group who live close by, and / or have playdates. We've had entire conversations using GIFs from the Friends sitcom. We've shared clothes, holiday cards, frustrations, challenges, and celebrations, but above all, we've shared our hearts.
The name of this group? I won't tell you. It's top secret. BUT what I will tell you is this - - if you're pregnant, or plan to be, and don't have a mom tribe, you need to get yourself one of these asap. These ladies are my sounding board for nap schedules, for birthday party invitations, or whether or not to have that second glass of wine. These ladies are my homies.
